Parenting is one of the hardest things on earth. Yes. It takes work. Once you become a parent, your life changes and takes a whole different dimension. You have a tiny fragile human depending on you for survival.

As a woman, this child, a whole human being grew inside you depending on your body for survival for the whole 9 months. Now that he or she is out the chains binding you to this person tightens.

For the man, more responsibilities. You also are trying to support your partner and make up for things you cannot do for the baby like breastfeeding. Everyone loses sleep. I imagine how tough it is.

To be a present parent is a challenging task. For the next 25 years, this child will need your support; physically, emotionally, and financially especially.

Whenever the work you do pays, you have to put the needs of this person first.

Parenting is hard. And I believe that not everyone should be a parent. Some people are just not cut out for it.

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Why do I make excuses for parents?

As an adult, I make excuses for everyone including strangers. I do this for me as it helps me forgive easily and regain my peace of mind.

If we are close and you speak to me rudely for instance, I assume that you are probably in a bad mood, having a bad day or something else happened.

So before you apologise I have already forgiven you. It's a win-win.

So whenever I’m with friends and they start bashing parents, as the Queen of excuses I rush with my armour and shield to protect the parents.

Hear me out, some people are terrible. And becoming a parent doesn't make them good people.

They are still the same terrible people you know and may mistreat their children.

However, my argument most times in making excuses for parents is that some of them act based on what and how they know and not necessarily out of malice…emphasis on the word “some”.

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To start with, the times have changed. It’s not how the world was when they were younger that it is now.

For instance, the full-blown technology we have now wasn't there and easily accessible to them in their time.

Their ideas, opinions and reactions to things are different from those of people born in this generation.

Also, the environment shapes people too. They probably grew up in a different environment than we have today. So they will behave and think differently.

However, I do not endorse parents being extreme like the guy on Twitter whose mother burnt his papers a few days before he was to travel out because he did something silly.

Or the girl whose mother used to beat her with a knife for minor offences. I could go on and on. Some parents are shitty (forgive my language).

But some are ignorant and sometimes we should extend grace to people.

Should you forgive your parents?

My parents are far from perfect. They have made mistakes and hurt me in different ways. There are things they have done that I don't agree with.

However, they have also done great things for me too; being very supportive and so Yes, I forgive them for their shortcomings.

I understand that they are not perfect. They are humans with their flaws just like me. They are not gods. So I extend grace to them.

However, people’s experiences differ. So while I say forgive because of my own experience yours may be worse.

But I see forgiveness as something you do for yourself and not for others.

With forgiveness you let go of all malice and grudges, freeing your mind and giving you peace.

Must you have a close relationship with them if they hurt you badly? It’s left for you to decide.

Is it okay to correct your parents?

Absolutely. I understand that some of us were raised in a family where correcting our parents is like a forbidden law. Any attempt to correct them will end in premium tears.

However, the approach to this matters especially if your parents are not the type open to such conversations.

Some of them will never agree that they are wrong or make corrections.

When I was younger my father used to beat us for getting injuries. If you fell, he would ask what you were doing, if you said you were running he would ask where you were running to if your papa or mama day there.

One day my father went to the village and returned with injuries. He didn't see a pothole so he fell into it while riding his motorcycle and injured himself.

The occasion presented itself for us to ask him the same questions he asks us when we hurt ourselves. Several opportunities presented themselves for us to point out things and try to correct my parents.

Today, I am bolder to correct my parents but with respect still. Correction doesn't have to be disrespectful. I believe that you don't have to shout to get your points across.

So feel free to correct your parents. They may not agree with your own opinion but you would have made your point.

Do you intend to become a parent tomorrow?

Some people don't want to have children and that's okay. But for those that want to here are some things I would share as someone with no experience but who hopes to be a parent someday.

Heal:

You need to heal from whatever trauma you may have from different experiences in the past. It will not just make you a better human but a better parent. We do not want you to raise another set of traumatised people.

The number is important:

Give birth to the number of children you can care for. Children suffer every day. We see them in the streets, in the news, at every corner.

Someone made a decision or took an action to have them and that someone should be responsible for them but can’t. Don't join that Whatsapp group. It’s not how much but how well.

Respect your children:

Understand that your children are humans and everyone deserves to be respected. Don’t be rude to them or treat them as irrelevant.

How you speak to children matters too. Until they become their own persons they are learning from emulation.

Personal relationship:

Strive to have a personal relationship with your children

Be a present parent and build trust with your children. Create room for them to tell you everything knowing you won’t react badly. This is how you protect them.

Give room for mistakes:

Kids will always be kids. You were once one. So give room for mistakes. They will fail sometimes, encourage them.

They will spoil or destroy things, punish them if need be but don’t expect perfection.

Move with the times:

See, the world is not static, it keeps evolving. Anyone who doesn't move with the times will be lost and left behind.

Your children will probably grow up in a different world from yours. So go with the times so you can understand them better.

So I don't have children …

Lastly, I am not a parenting expert. I am a 27-year-old who has never conceived, had a child pass through her, or been in full-time charge of another human being.

Everything I have said is based on my experience as a person who grew up with parents so take my words with a pinch of salt (or plenty of salt) (or with whatever you like)p☺️😉

Let us not make the mistakes our parents made even though they meant well. Let's be better. Better people, better parents.

Cheers to your continued growth and a fulfilled life.

With love and everything beautiful,

Chinonyelum.