A month ago I was stuck between a rock and a hard place. I had to make a tough decision about something precious to me. Don’t panic, it wasn't a life-and-death situation. 

The days of that week were a rollercoaster. I felt many emotions at once. It started with the feeling of nervousness. This was because I had a backlog of tasks I needed to do. Then, I got overwhelmed and suddenly felt like the world was collapsing on me.

There are too many tasks to do, many personal goals to meet, and work on, plus other plans. I realised while crows screamed every morning. I was at that stage.

My friend Eunice is a drama Queen who absolutely loves me. Almost every morning she sends me a message “How are you doing today?” So her messages came that week like before. On the days I want to embrace the values I was taught as a child—sincerity, I tell the truth. And we talk about things a bit.

But on most days, I reply with “I’m fine” and we move on to talk about our day or discuss the short film that she has been working very hard on. 

I wanted to nurse my feelings, to embrace them and make decisions. So after days of thinking and trying to juggle everything, I did what I know how to do my best— throw in the towel on most of the things.

Share

Amongst other things, I ended my 366 days with a video challenge that I was doing on Instagram. Who was I deceiving that I would record and edit videos every day till the end of the year? 

I just wanted to do…nothing. I needed a break, to breathe, to rest and recover myself. I have been running a marathon since the beginning of the year.

I was just tired of chasing productivity and having endless to-do lists. My friends sometimes tease me about always having something on my plate. 

So having a backlog on my video worsened the already tough situation. I tried to meet up but the more I tried, the harder it became. So I gave up on Day 200+ (I’m honestly too tired to go check the particular day I stopped posting the videos. So do me a favour and check here to watch some of my videos and follow me on Instagram.

I kept the fire burning for 6 months! Amazing. And oddly satisfying for someone who does not like giving herself some credit. I did not want to stop because I had not reached my target.

But I woke up one morning and knew that I was done creating those videos. I paused on life and became satisfied with just waking up and doing the barest minimum. 

Then, I fell sick, got better and still took an extra week before getting back to things. Sometimes we allow the deadlines we set for ourselves to steal sleep from our eyes. I set these goals. I started this challenge.

So who said I couldn’t end it when I wanted to? Who said I would be called a coward if I needed to stop something to save my sanity and protect my mental health?

I understand that sometimes you cannot really afford to take that break, especially as a Nigerian. Can you take time off work because you need to stay alive? Life keeps happening to us every day but we have to pretend everything is alright and show up every day to work or personal goals. 

It's tough. These bills don't care about your mental health. The average young Nigerian especially those born without a silver spoon can not afford to take a day break to get themselves back.

Leave a comment

It's sad, really sad. But here is one thing; focus on the things within your control. 

I too cannot afford to take a break from work. But I can afford to spend an extra 30 minutes in bed even when my brain complains that I’m trying to ruin my life. I lie down a bit after my 5:00 am alarm except when I take readings at morning mass.

I make nice meals when I can afford to, and give myself extra meat per meal. I can afford to sit down and spend some time alone in my bed staring at the ceiling. 

You may not be able to take the break you need because the world is designed for us to keep grinding. So focus on those things you can give yourself no matter how little. Remember not to beat yourself up for taking those little things you can afford. 

The productivity voice in you may threaten you but don’t listen. We are obsessed with doing things. We always want to do something extra, to keep pushing, even when our strength is gone and we are on the verge of collapse.

Leave a comment

But, sometimes doing nothing is doing something. To do something, you have to start at nothing. You have to do nothing but rest and gather the energy to do something. 

So permit yourself to do nothing. Rest. Take a break. Do the things within your control. The world will be fine.

Today and always, I’m rooting for you.

With love and everything beautiful,

Chinonyelum